Freedom From Expectations

Projects, projects.   I am the best at coming up with projects. The new drum I made last week sits in the corner begging for my attention. I plan to craft a design on it, lovingly adorn it with oil paint. The sewing machine gathers dust as it waits for me to settle on a new fabric to recover the chair in the living room. Three gourds, count them – not one, not two, but three! – rest on the side countertop cleaned, cut and scraped. One will be corded, a second will be painted and the third carved and stained.  The garden is again full of weeds and the patio needs sweeping.  Not to mention the stacks of books waiting to be read, the dogs that require walking, and the husband that needs feeding.

What do all these projects have in common? They are nothing more than distractions to keep me from sitting down to write.  Honestly, it’s not the actual process of writing that is difficult. It’s the constant re-writing that sends me to the brink of despair.  Not once have I met my writing expectations. When I left Chicago behind and settled myself into Aravaipa Canyon, I had the mistaken idea that I would whip out my first book in a year. In fact, I was so naïve, I actually told the owner of the ranch that I would only be there a year. One year turned into two before book one was finished. You would think I might have learned something from that experience, but no. In November 2012 I sat down to pen book number two and here I sit, one year and two months later, about to begin the third draft. Last April I whooped and hollered that I finished it until I gave it to folks to review. Their feedback sent me down the path of revision, a torturous journey through the next November. Sending it off to a professional editor was a blessing and a curse, for now I know it could be better.  So much better.  If I’m lucky, it will be finished by year end but I’m not going to hold my breath.  

 I thought I was doing it wrong. Setting myself up for failure each time I set a deadline or expectation for completion of this book, then sabotaging myself with my distraction projects.  Today I realized I needed a new approach.  Freedom from expectations.  Everything that should be done will be done and when it is supposed to be done. Today I recognized that Creativity has no concept of time. It doesn’t care if it’s a hot, blazing summer or a soft, white winter; doesn’t care if it’s a full moon or mid-day sun. You can sit staring at your computer screen, a blank canvas or a lump of clay for hours on end without a single creative thought coming to mind. Then you’re standing in a long line at the grocery store, begging for the person in front of you to hurry up because you’ve got to find the ladies room before you burst, when wham! You catch a snippet of conversation, someone drops a carton of eggs, or two lovers quarrel the next aisle over. And you have it!  Creativity doesn’t always come when you are focused and demanding. Creativity is sneaky. It appreciates a little bit of chaos, a little bit of diversity, a little bit of life, then  It comes out in a rush.

The book will get finished, the drum will be painted, and the gourds adorned. I’ll throw an old blanket over the chair and carefully tuck it in for now. Don’t ask me when. The only thing that will get done today is the chair. BUT I researched designs for the drum and found one I like.  The gourds are still sitting there but I pulled a few weeds and wrote over 1,000 words. The dogs are content after an hour walk and when my husband comes in and asks what’s for dinner, I’ll drop a hint or two about that new restaurant that opened last week. If he doesn’t bite, I’ll get creative.

8 Comments »

  1. Comment by 525D76;font-size:22px; H2 font-family:Tahoma

    Posted on March 22, 2014 at 8:27 am

    Heya! I just wantd tto ask if you ever have any problems with hackers?
    My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing many months of
    hqrd work duee to no backup. Do you hafe any solutions
    to prevent hackers?

  2. Comment by Lelia

    Posted on February 13, 2015 at 12:44 pm

    Twitter: Twitter is an online social networking service and microblogging
    service that enables its users to send and read text-based messages off up to
    140 characters, known as “tweets”. Some short stories spaan whole lives, showing different
    glimpses of a life. Do nott be afraid to get too in detail, the more youu know tthe
    characters the easier iit is to write about them, or even to
    create the dialogue of the story.

  3. Comment by weight loss

    Posted on February 14, 2015 at 11:18 am

    Proactol is also used as remedy for aches and pains.
    Almost every woman will go through her whole life with fighting against keeping a
    curvy figure. As of right now I can totally see a difference in my upper thighs and upper arms.

  4. Comment by hvac jobs in houston

    Posted on February 21, 2015 at 5:45 am

    HVAC relies upon people with a number of abilities, unlike
    a few other trades where the work demands have a small
    array of skills required.

    My web page hvac jobs in houston

  5. Comment by heliologue.com

    Posted on February 24, 2015 at 2:21 am

    Nadzwyczaj interesujący wpis, zalecam wszystkim test obciążeń organizmu poznań, test obciążeniowy glukozą
    (heliologue.com) obciążeń revitum opinie,
    test obciążeń volla opinie, test obciążeń w krakowi

  6. Comment by andis beard trimmer

    Posted on February 24, 2015 at 11:38 am

    Hello to every single one, it’s truly a fastidious for
    me to pay a visit this site, it includes important Information.

  7. Comment by Ina

    Posted on February 26, 2015 at 7:23 am

    Hello very cool web site!! Guy .. Beautiful ..
    Superb .. I’ll bookmark your web site and take the feeds also?
    I am glad to find so many helpful info right here within the submit, we want work out
    more techniques in this regard, thanks for sharing.
    . . . . .

  8. Comment by Marylyn

    Posted on June 15, 2015 at 8:49 pm

    La colitis no tiene que ver con el cólico menstrual, y tampoco se puede saber si degenerará en cáncer.

Leave a comment

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>