Should

On the edge of a dream state, suddenly Marianne said something that made my eyes fly open.

“Do not ‘should’ anyone.”

I was listening to Manifesting Abundance by Marianne Williamson.   Eyes closed, Kitty cat and I were both stretched out on the couch to listen.  I strained my ears to make sure I heard her correctly….and the message seeped into my brain.  

It is something we all do, telling other people what they should and should not do.   As if we know best.  I make an effort to not give advice.   After all if you want to give advice then you better be willing to receive it.   (Oops, was that a “should”?)  But if I am pressed, I offer my opinion.   After all, when someone seeks out your advice or opinion, it’s an ego boost.  It puts you on a pedestal and the air up there is fine.  But that tiny platform is unsteady and I always topple with a crash.

I thought about who I “should” and why.  

My children, of course, popped in my mind.  That’s part of parenthood, at least until that one day when they roll their eyes and not so gently remind you that they are grown up.   Then the tables turn and they tell you what you should be doing.  But from time to time my kids still seek my advice. 

My son, Matt, called the other day.   He and his wife, Tiffany, are searching for their first house and, after looking at numerous homes, were finding it difficult to come to agreement.   Matt liked one house that his wife thought too far away.   He wanted my advice on how to convince Tiffany to come around to his way of thinking.  Now there’s a “should” I did NOT want to step into!   I carefully danced my way out of that one. 

My mother also came to mind.   Over the course of the last several years, our roles are reversing.   I can’t remember the last time I asked her advice (as if I ever did), but since my dad’s death she looks to my brother and to me on many things, including her aches and pains.   Usually I tell her to call the doctor, but if I stoop to actually giving advice and she takes it, she never admits I was right.   Recently she had a bad cough which kept her up at night.   My advice:

“Before you go to bed, put Vicks VapoRub on the bottom of your feet, and then a pair of warm socks.”

Although she doubted me, I convinced her to try it.   “It won’t hurt you and at the least you will have soft feet.”  The next day she told me she had finally slept through the night but she wouldn’t attribute it to the Vicks trick.  

“Well, I just don’t know if that was it.”  No pedestals from Mom, but she continued the Vicks on her feet until the cough was gone. 

A slow thinker, it wasn’t until today when I was hauling a__ out of bed to get to the gym that I realized the person I “should” the most is me. 

·         I should work out today

·         I should start a yoga practice

·         I should not eat bread

·         I should do something about my hair

·         I should be a better person and keep my  temper under control

·         I should be patient with people

·         I should call my mother

·         I should go visit my daughter

·         I should do volunteer work

·         I  should follow doctor’s orders

·         I  should market for my Reiki and massage practice

·         The cat is lonely – I should play with her

·         God hasn’t heard from me today — I should pray

·         I should forgive my ex

·         I should write.

·         Etcetera……………

 This ever growing list of “shoulds” wears me out.

What do I do about this? More importantly, why do I do this to myself?   In her lecture, Marianne Williamson didn’t bring this up – in fact, Marianne was doling out more “shoulds” to add to the damn list. 

My conclusion?  What I SHOULD do is let this list go.   What I SHOULD do is get up in the morning, sing with the birds and dance in the wind.  What I SHOULD do is follow my heart. 

Bah.  This is way too much work.  What I SHOULD do is go back to bed. 

But I won’t….

14 Comments

  1. Comment by Susan Kozem

    Posted on June 29, 2009 at 8:52 am

    Very easy reading. Great topic. Something we can all relate too. Keep up the good work. I love it. Sue

  2. Comment by Susan Kozem

    Posted on June 29, 2009 at 8:52 am

    Very easy reading. Great topic. Something we can all relate too. Keep up the good work. I love it. Sue

  3. Trackback by Recommended Web-site

    Posted on June 4, 2014 at 10:00 am

    Recommended Web-site…

    Breath of Blue » Blog Archive » Should…

  4. Trackback by Recommended Web-site

    Posted on June 4, 2014 at 10:00 am

    Recommended Web-site…

    Breath of Blue » Blog Archive » Should…

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.